I was married for almost 2 decades and never identified my relationship as abusive. After separation and divorce proceedings, and through a lot of therapy, I started to see my relationship for what it really was. The feeling of walking on eggshells and the inability to be true to myself finally got to me. Once I declared I wanted out of the relationship, their behaviour escalated and peaked. They bought themselves another house, using our joint line of credit, which left me on the hook for a large amount of debt. Without any advance notice, they cleared any remaining funds and closed our joint bank account, which was that only account I had at the time.

As we continued to live together with our children during the separation period, they came and went from the house as they pleased - sometimes leaving for days and sometimes leaving the country with their new partner. When they came home late one night, they shook the bed, screamed in my face, and demanded I get out of THEIR bed.

They became angrier and even more emotionally violent towards the children and CAS became involved. The older children refused to see them, and consequently, a judge ruled and ordered us all to attend “reunification therapy”. I was blamed in court for not using our financial resources to assist our family. They started to follow me around in their car in our neighbourhood until I finally (and reluctantly) contacted the police. Then, they hired a private investigator to track me since the police warned them to stop following me.

Everything seemed completely out of control. My life and my children’s lives were in absolute turmoil until we were about to go to trial and a talented judge recognized the severity of the situation and found a way to resolve our case.

“I believe my story would help others see that abuse knows no boundaries. Abuse can be experienced at any level, in any relationship, in any neighbourhood, and in any family.”

How do you think someone in this situation can find themselves again?: I think offering support and a safe place to share a story and receive guidance would help someone tremendously. I often felt isolated and alone, and I did not know who I could trust. Providing a safe space and place for a person to share stories and experiences would help validate and build strength. It is empowering to share personal stories and find strength within ourselves when others hold us up authentically and empathetically.

How do you think your experience could help others?: Very often when we hear the word “abuse”, we think of physical abuse. I know I thought this way until my experience. I think my experience would help others recognize signs of emotional and financial abuse. My ex-partner was in the healthcare field. There are many misconceptions about who abuses and where we find abuse. I believe my story would help others see that abuse knows no boundaries. Abuse can be experienced at any level, in any relationship, in any neighbourhood, and in any family.